selfa
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Mar 10, 2013
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selfa

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selfa was last seen:
Mar 10, 2013
    1. selfa
      selfa
      Oops, seems that i mistook visitor messages for pm, although I rarely hits the forum for such stuff, but then no excuses, silly me -___-" will move them to pm asap, as my computer is throwing tantrums on me again. Am typing this sluggishly on my phone right now. :(
    2. Ziginz Zegell
      Ziginz Zegell
      Why do I have 22 messages...just send me all that on a few pms. I'll leave them up there for now...but I'm deleting them off my page tommorow. Don't uh...don't send me 22 messages anymore over the vistor messages alright? PMs are for stuff like that. I'll read them when you resend them.
    3. Ziginz Zegell
      Ziginz Zegell
      I've seen worse idea spills, a few of which were made by my own hands. Most of it sounds good...but you should probably find a way to explain away all the time paradoxes that past and future riders fighting each other would create.
    4. Ziginz Zegell
      Ziginz Zegell
      Hmmm I'll just stick to piles of notes that will eventually get done :P
    5. Ziginz Zegell
      Ziginz Zegell
      That's why I have a folder full of notepad and word files -___-
    6. Ziginz Zegell
      Ziginz Zegell
      See that typo there? I spelt Read wrong -___- I get into such a hurry when I am typing sometimes....
    7. Ziginz Zegell
      Ziginz Zegell
      I havn't given episode two a through red just yet, but from what I have read it seems about the same. I'll give it another run through and let you know.

      Me...I'm blessed enough to have Microsoft Word which does a good tenth of the work for me when I am writing. Even then I have to do alot of revisions after I finish a project most of the time. Like I said, it has taken me a LONG time to get as good as I am, and even I am far from perfect. Just take your time and work on things as you go. Keep writing your story and improve it over time. Then down the line when you decide to look back and revive Descend you will be able to see just how much progress you have made.
    8. Ziginz Zegell
      Ziginz Zegell
      For instance:

      Descend matched the attacks from the silver, grasshopper like warrior blow for blow until he finally over powered his false rider advesary. Ducking under an attack from the proxy rider, Kisuke lands a devastating, left hook to the side of his enemy's head. As Proxy Punch Hopper railed back from the blow, his commrade swoops in with a flying kick in an attempt to finally put an end to the inexperienced rider.

      Mind you I've been doing this for a long time, but you get my point right?
    9. Ziginz Zegell
      Ziginz Zegell
      Ah good...that actually makes me feel better about your grammer. Second Language Kitta! Now then here is one example of what I am talking about:

      Descend fights off Proxy Punch Hopper’s jab fist-for-fist and overpowers Proxy Punch Hopper in speed as Descend picks his pace up and slams down his left fist mightily at Proxy Punch Hopper’s head from the side.

      A run on sentence where you use Proxy punch Hopper's name three times. One peice of advice I can give you is to describe characters in story in a way that allows people to know who you are talking about without needing to repeat their names every few words.
    10. Ziginz Zegell
      Ziginz Zegell
    11. Ziginz Zegell
      Ziginz Zegell
      Okay...brace yourself.

      The Good: The story itself and the rider concepts are very neat, as are the characters presented so far. The fight scene was well written but a bit drawn out. You may want to work on compressing them a bit. I like your use of references from other series and the concept behind Solu mk III is alot of fun. The other character come off as a bit bland, but this is very early on in the story so it is to be expected. Kisuke has an interesting back story so far, and seeing his dead ex created some very nice emotions. What better way to provoke a guy into a fight then to have him find his dead girlfriend in the jungle? Not bad at all.
    12. Ziginz Zegell
      Ziginz Zegell
      The Bad: Sorry about this. Your grammer is pretty terriable to the point I feel English must be your second language. You run over yourself more then I do by repeating names and certain phrases. Your structure is also all over the place and it seems more thrown together then thought out and revised.

      So basically the characters and concepts are nice, but the writing needs a metric ass ton of work. Try reading some other fan fics and novels and find the style of writing that works for you while continuing to refine your concept. How to say this without being too harsh....Don't give up, but your writing skills need a tremendous amount of work.
    13. Ziginz Zegell
      Ziginz Zegell
      Cool. I'll check it out soon. Just to warn you I can be sort of...stern. Nothing you can't handle though I am sure.
    14. selfa
      selfa
      And yes finally, Ziginz Zegell. I have finished the first episode *pants breathlessly up & down*

      Its long hours of work but worth it! :)
    15. selfa
      selfa
      Sure! I have just gave it an Opening Song, Go Listen! =D

      And i am writing the fight scene right now, still kinda awkward to convert them to words, guess it comes with everyone starting out! ;)
    16. Ziginz Zegell
      Ziginz Zegell
      Hey, I'll read your story soon. Didn't realize it was up until now. From the glances if gave it, it looks promising.
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